Here and on my Mastodon account, I like to talk a lot about mysticism and share quotes from some of my favorite mystics both ancient and modern. As of yet, I don’t believe I’ve shared any examples of mystical moments I’ve personally experienced. There’s been a few. Some have been earth shattering. Others have been more subtly life shifting. Today I experienced the latter.
Earlier today, at some point in the middle of the more mundane parts of my life (laundry, food prep, exercising), I was suddenly struck by an intense wave of gratitude. More than just feeling thankful, it felt as though time had stopped for awhile. Was I holding my breath? Or was breathing all of a sudden not a thing anymore? It was a single moment of pure ecstasy, wonder, awe, oneness. Words fail to accurately portray this moment. It was pure emotion. No words. Just joy.
The wonder and awe subsided after some time, but that feeling of gratitude remained throughout the day. When I started to put conscious thought around that feeling of thankfulness, I was taken aback at just how much I had to be thankful for.
In the busyness of day-to-day family life I truly forgot just how much my life has changed over the years. When I look at my life now, I see a loving husband, a happy baby girl, a fun and fulfilling career, stimulating hobbies, good mental and physical health, and a diverse and supportive network of friends who are spread all around the world. I have a great relationship with my parents and siblings as well, completing my support system that showers me with love on the regular.
It wasn’t that long ago that life looked very different for me. Cycles of depression and anxiety were the norm. Using alcohol to self medicate. Mystery illnesses and food sensitivities would keep popping up. I kept hanging with the wrong crowd. Before I met my husband, that included dating the wrong men. Feeling overall lost. Not confident in myself. Lots of self-doubt and no self-worth.
And somehow, through a combination of stubbornness (I’m a Taurus), hard-work, and (I believe) some divine intervention from God/The Universe/Source/My Higher Self/My Ancestors and Guides, I clawed my way out of that hole.
Let me tell you: healing is not linear AT ALL. And it also isn’t very cute. It’s messy. Think mascara running down your face while crying in a bathtub messy. Think nightmares from childhood trauma messy. Think holding onto grudges when you know you have to forgive those who hurt you messy.
But healing is possible and it’s available if you’re brave enough to stare into that dark abyss for a bit, wade into those murky waters and start pulling out whatever is haunting you.
I had a few friends help me along my healing journey, as well as a few trusted therapists, and some spiritual healers, but for the most part – I did the majority of this work alone. And usually, very quietly. I am a fan of doing the monk thing – going off alone to a little cave for a few years to meditate and reflect. Both literally and figuratively. I needed that time to heal and work on myself, find out who I am, learn to love myself, and just generally find enjoyment in life. (The Highly Spiritual Person project is a direct result of those years of personal work. Learning to love myself meant also learning to love my sensitivity – the thing I was taught to despise.)
In dark moments it’s easy to believe that life will never get better. It’s easy to believe that whatever sadness or despair you’re feeling or whatever rut you are in will last forever.
But it won’t.
Before you know it, you’ll be looking back on those times as a distant memory. Your life will be so full of joy that you will actually forget that there was a time when it wasn’t.
I’m proof of that.
I don’t know what prompted that brief mystical moment today, but I feel very fortunate to have experienced it. It was like I woke up from a wonderful dream only to realize my dream was actually real life.
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